


Gary Goodspeed Angst (One shots)

by Blank_Error



Category: Final Space (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Other, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28063269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blank_Error/pseuds/Blank_Error
Summary: Basically, everytime I wanna write some angst of our sweet baby boi- imma put it here.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 22





	1. Moth

His father was dead.  
His mother left.

Gary was now truly alone.

The smell of gasoline was thick in the cold air. Shaky leaves, rattling in the wind and the sun long gone, hiding under the moon and cloudy skies.

The young boy hugged himself as he curled on the wooden floors of his tree house, the one his father built for him.  
The boy cuddled close a jar as he stared at the poster of his father up on the wall. There was really no emotion, just empty eyes staring at the paper.

When he was younger and his father had just been taken away, he used to stare at the poster, just like this, because maybe if he stared hard enough the poster would come to life. He used to stare just for at least a little blink from the man but of course...it's just paper...just a poster of a dead man.

The jar in Gary's arms wasn't the same as the one he wished he could be hugging right now. Instead of a caterpillar, there was a moth, and instead of the usual name tag labelled "Mooncake", this jar had nothing but scratches.  
Gary did not name the bug he tried to replace Mooncake with, it just wasn't the same. It just wasn't the last gift his father gave him.  
It just wasn't Mooncake. 

Gary decided then that life was crap and that it would only get crappier from here if he didn't do something about it- but what was he supposed to do?  
The teen was all alone, he barely ate just to avoid stealing from others and he was always freezing in the treehouse for being inside his house seemed to be more painful. 

Everyday and every second, Gary was only reminded of how alone he was. 

The cold floor wasn't warm like his father's arms, the jar in his arms did not hold meaning like Mooncake did, the poster was nothing but paper and the voices of the people passing by were too cheerful for his taste.  
His life was falling to bits and others seemed to be perfectly fine.

How meaningless was Gary?

If the boy were to disappear there would be no one to look for him, cry for him, remember him.  
Gary disappearing would not make a difference to anyone or anything.

How pathetic was that?

Gary finally tore his eyes away from the paper, blinking his dry eyes as he sat up. He looked down at the jar in his hands, the trapped moth wanting to fly away into the light and leave the lonely teen as well. 

So Gary opened the jar.

He allowed the moth to fly straight into the torch that lit up the tree house, watching the small thing smash its tiny head againt the light it could not touch.

"How dumb..." the teen shook his head as he stood up "can't you see you're only hurting yourself by wishing for something you can't have?" He asked the moth who wouldn't listen to him even if they could "if you ever do touch the light....then you'll only get burned" Gary stepped closer to the light.

He eyed the silly little creature, watching it struggle  
"Why must you keep trying?" His tone was much more bitter "stop" the boy ordered though his breath would all be useless when used against the moth. 

Gary did not like the way the moth kept hurting itself for something so pathetic and idiotic, he disliked how it kept trying even after it got hurt- in fact....he hated it.  
With a tiny growl, the boy caught the moth in his bruised fist and held it there for a moment, feeling the bug squirm in his grip. He then proceeded to hold the moth in a way he could see it, holding its little legs in between his fingertips.

"Stop." He demanded once again, his tone sharp and angry.

Despite being trapped, the moth tried flapping away yet again, away from the boy's grip, away from Gary.

Gary's eyes glared down at the small bug and he brought up his other hand to reach towards it.  
"I told you....to...stop!" He shouted furiously, pulling on its wings and tearing it to shreds "You'll only get hurt! You'll get hurt!" The boy reminded the moth, squeezing the wingless bug in his hand before throwing it on the floor and stepping on it.  
Ending them.

Gary breathed heavily, slowly lifting his foot to see the damage he had done. 

Why won't he listen?

Hoping things will get better will only get him hurt.

No one was coming for Gary....Gary was all alone.  
The only one who Gary can rely on was Gary.

Turning his attention to the house he used to live in, a million memories rushed back to him of the times his father was around.  
He recalled the time he had tripped in the yard, the time he messed up his dad's paperwork, the time his father fell asleep on the sofa and Gary tried to annoy him only to end up falling asleep ontop of him.

Gary remembered all the silly things that meant nothing then but meant the world to him now.

Climbing down from the treehouse, the teen stepped closer to the house. The house only reminded him of what he did not have...it only reminded him of how cold he was, how lonely he was.

It was dark out yet Gary could still hear the noisy families passing by.  
Look at them living their lives as if there was nothing wrong in Gary's. As if the boy's life wasn't already burned down to ashes.

"You want a light show, little moth?" Gary muttered to himself, finally pulling out his father's lighter from his pocket.  
His life had already been burned before his eyes, why not twice?

"I'll give you a light show"


	2. Street Meat

Life was good...  
at least as good as it got for the thief.

The night was young, the street lights bringing out the dirty blond colour of the young man. His hands were in his pockets, full of cash he managed to steal from a girl he was playing date with-  
It was cold and cruel but the woman didn't seem to be serious about him in the first place nor was she pleasant to be around.

It had always been like that for Gary. Go to a random bar or disco, dance around a bit and flirt with any girl that even glanced a second longer at him. Then, as soon as their guard was down, Gary would take their wallet and hope to never see them again-

Even if he did see them, there would be no way they would know he was the one who stole their money- especially with the amount of boys they danced with each night.

Humming to himself, Gary had his best interests in mind. He had been saving up for enough time, it was only fair he spent a little on himself for once...  
That's right, today Gary was going to eat meat. 

It was driving him crazy, all the fast food and noodles he ate- he wanted real protein, real food! 

And down the market place was the best place to find some quality food....some

Street meat.

The smokey air was quick to catch Gary's attention, his face finally having a real smile - it was faint....but for once it was his real smile.

He peacefully walked among the crowded place, looking around each stall.   
Had Gary not eaten that protein bar earlier, he was sure he would be going crazy in place like this. There were so many scents and foods around, one of the reasons he avoided this area as he would be sure to steal something without second thought.

Gary recalled the first time he visited a place like this, he was still a little boy who refused to let go of his father's hand if it weren't for a bug.   
He used to sit on his father's shoulder, looking around with wide eyes at the bright colors around him.

Funny how everything looked dull now...

The first time Gary went to a market place with his father, he was nervous. He never did like crowded places, he preferred the woods- they were quiet and nice. However, the moment his father had let go of Gary's hand to pay for the street meat, Gary's attention was taken by a little bug flying by. 

He was quick to follow after, of course, curiosity getting the best of him as he had forgotten the reason he was in such place to begin with.   
Gary giggled to himself as he tried to catch the small bug who was almost the size of his small palms, grinning in victory as he finally caught it.  
He peeked inside his hands with a small gasp as the gap allowed the bug to fly away yet again.

"H-hey!" Gary called after, jumping to catch the bug but it was already far too high, out of his grasp.   
He stared up at the night sky with a disappointed look before turning to his father- only to find him gone.

"Dad?" He called anxiously, hands begin to fidget with his shirt as he looked around. The boy's small heart began to pick up as his eyes scattered around rapidly at the different faces flashing by- everything was a blur and Gary recognised nothing. 

"Dad?" He tried again, taking a small step back. Gary could shout, that would be easier for his father to hear- but so would everyone else.   
His breathing was quickening, the noise and different smells making the small boy dizzy. 

Gary didn't feel too well.

He let himself lean against a wall for support, sitting down as he didn't find the strength to stand up. There was nothing but strangers everywhere, no sign of his father.   
Gary began to tear up, everything was so blurry and scary to him- he didn't like it. He just wanted his dad.

"Gary?!" A familiar voice broke the noise.

"Dad?" Gary's breaking voice called quietly, looking up in search for his father "D-dad!" He quickly stood, nearly tripping as he ran to hug his father's legs.

"Gary! Where have you been?!" John picked his son up, ready to scold the boy but quickly stopping himself as he noticed Gary's panic attack. Frowning, John brought Gary close, hushing him and swaying side to side to try calm his boy.  
Gary cried, clenching tight onto his dad as he did not understand what was happening to him but he knew one thing-  
his dad made it all better.

"This one please" Gary grinned, bringing his hand up to his mouth to check if he was drooling. He payed for his food and took a seat on a nearby bench, ready to dig down.  
He squealed in delight, kicking his legs happily as the savoury food melted in his mouth.

He missed his dad...

He missed how safe he made him feel....how his dad made Gary feel as if everything would be alright...

He missed him.


	3. The Marble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary successfully steals something tnat may just help him pay for his rent! Good for him c:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((WARNING: This chapter contains torture and things like that))

The sound of running footsteps were right behind him yet his laughter filled the air. Gary had long learnt that he needed to celebrate small achievements like these if he wanted to remain sane- though, running away from two men who look as if they want to tear you into bits looks pretty insane.

He held onto the green marble tight in his palm, funny how such a small item would sell for a lot if sold to the right person. It was with this, the item he stole successfully, that Gary would get enough money to pay this month's rent.

Facing back ahead, Gary continued running, his slim body was as agile as ever, running in to tight alleyways and climbing to rooftops to avoid being caught.  
The shouting behind him began to scatter but Gary didn't let it panic him, he was far too fast for those men- all he needed to do was run faster. 

Jumping off the roof, Gary made his way down back onto the streets and began to pick up speed, grinning to himself as he could not hear nor see the others.   
He panted, wanting to laugh but far too tired to do so. Quickly cleaning the sweat away from his forehead, Gary began to plan as he now slowed down to a jog.

If he managed to sell the item by tonight, he could get the money and pay just last minute for his rent! Sure, the man had given him too many warnings but as long as Gary had the money there would be no way he would kick him out. 

"Okay" Gary breathed, slowing down as he was sure he had lost them. He open his palm with a victorious smile, genuinely happy he could still have shelter.

However, all Gary's plans were put to a stop when there was a sudden wack on the back of his head, making Gary's vision turn black and dropping the small marble. 

\------------------------

There was quiet talking among what Gary assumed was two men....the voices being familiar in a way- the kind of voice you heard but didn't care much for it.   
When Gary had come to, he realized that it was dark- or rather...he was blindfolded. 

Gary swallowed hard, his throat still dry from all the running and his sweat now cold. He tried to remain calm as he tried to analyse his situation.

Okay...so he was tied up against a chair- most likely half naked and he was barefoot. There was an uncomfortable texture in his mouth, probably some rope to stop him from making any noise. The rope in his mouth tangles around his neck, holding his head up againt the chair- if Gary were to pass out, he'd probably hang himself.  
Gary shivered against the cold, freezing once he noticed the voices had stopped talking. 

"Well well well..." a raspy voice began to talk, heavy footsteps coming closer "lookie here...finally awake eh?" 

Gary remained silent as he wasnt too sure on what to say in this situation or even if he'd be able to...especially after he realized the owner of the voice was the man who he stole the item from.

"What? No smart talk now?!" Gary felt a stinging sensation on his right cheek, one that could only have been done by the slap of a crusty hand.

"You! Bucket" the man seemed to order, shuffling sounds of footsteps soon followed before cold water was dunked over Gary.   
Gasping, Gary's body grew tense in attempt to warm itself, shivering against the cold, his teeth chattering were the only sound for a few moments. He tried to remain as tough as he could in that situation, showing weakness would be certain suicide in the streets.

"We gave ya a chance" the man clicked his tongue, walking away from Gary before returning "we told ya- not to fucking steal from us!" He punched the shivering Gary, tipping the chair sideways.

As soon as Gary's head hit the ground he rubbed his face against the dirt in hopes to remove the blindfold or the rope from his mouth.  
There was mocking laughter as a heavy boot was placed on Gary's skull, pressing his face hard againt the floor, stopping Gary's movements. 

"Thats no good" there was a crushing sound as the man booted Gary's stomach, making the other groan in pain. Gary felt himself swing backup, his plan completely failed- what was he going to do anyway? Glare at the man? There was no way Gary could get out by simply removing some cloth or rope from his face.

"You see..." the man began, walking around Gary "if you behave we might let you off" Gary could hear the wicked smile in his voice "what do you say, hm?" 

Gary's body suddenly jolted, his mind switching off for a moment before he breathed heavily. The man laughed

"Never been tased before?" He asked as the cracking sounds of electricity came close to Gary's ear "here, I'll let you have another try" with that the man pressed the taser agasint Gary's arm once again, earning a pained grunt in response. 

The man's laughter rang in Gary's hear as his head started to drop forwards, only jolting back up as he realized the rope against his neck tighten everytime his head dropped. 

The night went on like that...  
Cold buckets of water being tipped over Gary, the tasing and beating whenever the man needed to laugh or take his anger out on Gary.  
Things had gotten worse when Gary was finally removed from the chair.

His hands still tied close together as the other guy held against the rope in his mouth and around his neck like a leash.  
Gary struggled, trying to break free by kicking the man only to feel a sharp pain along with a snapping sound.

Whips.

Really? Fucking whips?!

Gary cursed everything he could think of at that moment, listening to the man laugh and rambling on about teaching lessons. 

"Told ya to behave!" He roared, whipping Gary once again "on your knees!" He ordered to which Gary had no choice but to obey.  
Falling to his knees, Gary's chest rose and fell quickly, he was trying his best to calm his upcoming panic attack- he couldn't afford that right now....he couldn't show any more signs of weaknesses.

The man behind him breathed heavily, hands still around the rope as he tugged slightly to watch Gary squirm. 

Gary's mind briefly wondered if being hanged would be for the best.

"Alright" the raspy voice started, there was a familiar sound of fire nearby, to which Gary wasn't sure to thank for the warmth or curse as it could be used against him "this here is my favourite candle" the man stepped closer, tipping the hot wax over Gary.  
Gary squirmed, grunting in response to the quick burning- however he was cold and did always like fire so he wasn't too sure if he should hate the sensation...compared to the other things they had done?

Gary preferred this one.

Remaining quiet after a while, Gary tried to gasp the best he could when he felt the other man behind him tug his hair, tipping his head backwards.  
Okay- what now?

Then- it was a quick motion but it hurt like a bitch, Gary felt the man's boot against his bare stomach. Before he was kicked over and over again in different areas  
"How's that? You Little thief!" The raspy voice cackled, booting him over and over.

Gary tried his best to hold back his shouts of pain but he was near his limit. His mind was blank as he gasped for air between each kick- hard to breath with the rope in his mouth.

Then....the tiniest of whimpers.

Gary cursed himself, listening to how pathetic he sounded. Now he had really done it....now Gary would be sure to die.

A sudden tug on his neck sent him into panic- the rope tightening far too much around his neck.

Gary couldn't breathe.

He squirmed and tried to pull away, only tightening the hold more around his neck. He whimpered as the hot tears soaked through the fabric covering his eyes, drool beginning to make its way down his chin.

Gary couldn't breathe.

The laughter around him had toned down as Gary tried to focus on surviving. He couldn't die here- he promised his dad he'd have a bunch of adventures...bunches and bunches and this? There's no way in hell this counted but...

Gary couldn't breathe.

Feeling his mind going hazy and his strengths being drawn away, Gary tried yet again to wheeze out for air. His body, weak, started to lean against the man behind him, the one causing all this. Gary's head falling ontop of something metal that could only be a gun.

Gary was sure to get shot...

Then his hands began to come loose, the raspy man most likely wanting to see him struggle

But Gary knew he was already at death's door- so instead of reaching for the rope around his neck he mustered all his last strengths to grab the gun. His adrenalin sending his ears pumping, silencing any shouting around him.

There was ringing when Gary was sure he pulled the trigger behind him, gasping as air came back to his lungs, he began to shoot blindly with around the direction the other was- eventually hearing a thud. 

Gary wheezed, finally pulling on the rope around his neck and mouth trying to catch his breath. He was far too afraid to take off his blindfold at this time.

There was nothing but the sounds of Gary's breathing and Gary assumed that he had indeed killed the other two.

Gary was only 18.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :c


	4. Merry Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is surprised to find out Gary; he one who loves to spend times with together, sing, play games, giving...actually hates Christmas.

The Team Squad had gone through a lot of surprises, though something that seemed to surprise them most was when Quinn suggested some time off to spend together and celebrate Christmas...Gary refused.

Everyone had spent the night trying to either find Gary who was avoiding them or ask him what was wrong as he was never one to refuse time with his friends.

"I hate Christmas, okay?!" Gary finally broke out the truth, turning to face his crew "I haven't celebrated it in years and never will again, so just have fun without me" he sighed, letting the doors to his room close. 

The crew stood there in disbelief, Christmas was literally everything Gary seemed to like put into just a day and Gary hated it? 

It was later on planned that when Gary fell asleep they'd have a look at his memories, even AVA seemed to agree with it as it wasn't normal for Gary to be avoiding everyone and looking into his memories may help the others help him.

The Crismon Light crew sat in the white room together, Tribore walking in with snacks and handing them out

"Will this be a long movie? Yes it will" was his reason as he sat down next to Sheryl as the others got comfortable.

"It will be just like a Christmas movie but with Gary starring in it" Fox took some popcorn

"Hey! Don't eat until the movie starts" Little Cato smacked his hand, sitting on his father's lap.

As Fox and Little Cato were about to break into a fight the lights dimmed and images began to form...

Lights were everywhere, the soft snow piling up on the roads. Children were having snowball fights and laughing around, rushing off to their parents whenever someone were to hit them a bit too hard. 

"Looking good so far" Quinn smiled at the familiar sight of Earth Christmas

"Thank you!" A blond boy ran out of a shop with a paper bag in his arms hugged close to chest. 

"Hey! Get back here you thief!" The bakery man waved his fist as he ran after the boy, watching him run in an alleyway before completely losing him. 

The crew was quick to recognize the boy in thin clothes as their captain, Gary.   
They watched the teen rest against a wall before sliding down it and sitting down

"Heh- warm" he mumbled to himself as he nuzzled the warm bread he managed to steal, sighing in relief.

A tiny meow made the boy flinch, snapping his face towards the direction of the sound to see a tiny and skinny kitten.

"Oh...." Gary watched the kitten cuddle close, probably trying to get some of Gary's body heat. The boy looked between the bread and the kitten with a frown before finally taking a small piece and giving it to the cat.  
The cat sniffed the bread before meowing and eating it hungrily. Gary laughed in response eating the bread as well and taking small pieces for the kitten whenever they meowed for more. 

Night came and it grew colder, the kitten snuggling close to Gary and trembling against his own trembling form. 

"Ow!" Snow fell ontop of the boy's head, earning a chuckle from the crew that watched the memory.   
Gary cursed under his breath, placing his hand over the cold fuzzy cat besides him.

"Huh?" Gary turned to look at the small kitten that was colder than they were supposed to be, face falling instantly.

"Oh" the boy ran his hand on the kitten's back with a frown. He swallowed and stood up slowly, removing his vest and placing it over the corpse of the small animal with a frown "I'm sorry" he whispered and walked away, hugging his self to try keep warm.

"Merry Christmas kiddo!" A cheerful voice shouted, making Gary jump. A man dressed as Santa was greeting everyone and holding a donations bucket.  
Gary rolled his eyes, glancing back at his vest that hid the kitten.

"You an I are just the same..." Gary sighed "no one cares if we're gone" 

The boy fixed his posture, trying to stand tall despite the cold. His teeth chattered and he dug his blue hands in his pockets in a sad attempt to keep them warm.

Reality set in on the kid, no one would come for him and he knew that....though it was at times of gatherings like this that Gary was reminded he was alone. 

"God rest ye merry gentlemen  
Let nothing you dismay"

Gary groaned as loudly as he could once he heard the group of people begin to sing, turning and walking towards a completely different way

"Remember Christ our Savior  
Was born on Christmas Day  
To save us all from Satan's pow'r  
When we were gone astray  
Oh tidings of comfort and joy  
Comfort and joy  
Oh tidings of comfort and joy"

As Gary began to walk away another group joined, pushing him back and forcing him in another direction.

"What the-" 

The song grew louder as the crowd of people forced Gary into the city square, making him tumble right in front of the huge Christmas tree.   
Gary groaned, standing up and wiping his now wet pants, staring at the group of people that sang happily

"In Bethlehem, in Israel  
This blessed Babe was born  
And laid within a manger  
Upon this blessed morn"

Gary tried to get past but was always pushed around instead, surrounded by cheery strangers that were ignorant to the boy's loneliness- rubbing it in his face that they were happy with their families as they held hands and danced about

"Let me-"

"The which His Mother Mary  
Did nothing take in scorn  
Oh tidings of comfort and joy  
Comfort and joy  
Oh tidings of comfort and joy"

Gary breathed quickly, a panic attack begin to set as he looked around the bright lights and loud voices quickly. It was cold, it was noisy and Gary was beginning to grow dizzy.

"Shut-"

"Fear not then, said the Angel  
Let nothing you affright"

"Up..." Gary's voice cracked, tears on the brim of his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. Pictures glitched in front of the memory...pictures of a dead caterpillar, an explosion of a spaceship and the face of the dead kitten. 

Gary couldn't handle it...he hated it all.  
Memories flashed by, memories of him and his dad celebrating Christmas together by themselves as they only had each other. 

With that, Gary cracked.   
The boy brought out the lighter and started a fire on the huge Christmas tree in the plaza, making a run for it when the fire suddenly got bigger due to the wind.   
There were screams and crying as the people run away from the fire, sirens were already heard in the distance. Gary...he ran without looking back, knowing fully well from the warmth on his back that he had started something bad.

"Oh Gary..." Quinn frowned, watching the boy hold back tears by becoming angry instead. It seems the younger Gary would very much rather be angry than upset.

When things had calmed down on Gary's side, the boy shivered in front of a TV, watching the fire he had started in the plaza with a guilty frown.

"You're welcome, now it'll be warm for everybody" The smaller Gary clicked his tongue as he walked off, gasping as his eyes set on a jacket.

The crew recognised the jacket instantly, it was the same leather jacket Gary seemed to wear everywhere.  
Only Sheryl would know the reason the boy stopped to look at it. The jacket being an exact replica of his dads only John's was blue rather than orange.

The jacket blew in the wind on the cafés chair, the owner most likely paying for his bill inside.

"Okay" Gary breathed, he wanted something warm- usually anything would do but now.....now Gary wanted that "its Christmas, right?" He tried to hype himself up, casually walking towards the jacket.

Once within reach, the boy swiped the jacket off the chair and threw it on, making a quick turn down the alleyway before anyone noticed.

"Oh!" Gary gasped, zipping up the jacket with a small smile "its so warm!" He snuggled in the jacket that was far too big and went down to his knees "just like dad" he added quietly to himself with a sad smile.

The crew watched with sad eyes as the teen climbed on the roofs to watch the damage the he had done. Taking some scattered tree branches that were on the roof and starting a small fire to keep himself warm.

The boy seemed to pick a spider as if it were nothing, smiling softly at it 

"I hate Christmas" the boy grumbled "its cold and loud and dumb" he continued to ramble "there's dumb people singing and being happy and-" he stopped talking, laying down and lifting his hand up high to watch the spider crawl around his hand "and dad's not here..." he added sadly, anyone would be able to tell he was on the edge of crying by the tone of voice.

"So dumb" Gary wiped his eyes furiously "the world never gave a damn about us so why did he have to give a damn about the world" he grit his teeth.

Just like that, a picture of his dad saying goodbye to him and heading into the same spaceship that had exploded appeared before glitching back to reveal Gary crushing the spider in his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone!!


	5. Stupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't want to talk, I just want this all to be fixed"

It was a day like any other. The sun rose and the day began, the alarm rang and Gary woke up...yet there was something missing....someone missing.

When he woke up there wasn't anyone telling him good morning, there wasn't any breakfast ready awaiting on the table and there wasn't anyone at the door nagging him to put on his jacket as they took his hand to drive him to school.

He should've gotten used to it by now, the lack of anyone at home, the cold silence.   
No one had ever seen his mother leave so everyone assumed the small boy had someone looking after him...

But there was no one.

Despite the sun rising like it did everymorning, despite the teacher greeting him as she did everyday- nothing felt the same to Gary.

When he sat on the table he didn't feel the need to try harder as there wouldn't be anyone at home to compliment on his grade anymore and hang it up on the fridge, there wouldn't be anyone to tell him how proud they were and notice Gary's hard work...there would be no one.

Gary still filled out the paper with wrong answers that contained misspellings, Gary still tried to participate despite his mind meandering somewhere else other than the lesson. Despite not wanting to, Gary still tried....just not as hard as he used to.

Something the boy seemed to hate most was be treated like an idiot.   
He did not like when the teacher gave him different work just because he was a bit slower than the other students and he didn't like it when he was never picked for group activities despite how nice he was to all the other students. 

Though, Gary never hated a lesson as much as this one.

Since he had suddenly fallen behind, he was put in a "special" lesson with another student. They were private lessons with an elderly teacher whose smile disgusted Gary, she was always so happy and calm as if the world was nothing but roses and rainbows.

The other student, was a human boy. He was a bit taller than Gary and his skin a shade darker than his, his hair was shaved and his hair red like his freckles. Gary never took the time to learn his name, he wasn't interested enough after his classmates kept leaving him out of things.

Rolling his eyes, Gary tried to complete his work as the teacher spoke slowly to him like he was some sort of baby- he perfectly understood English and had no need for her to treat him such way, she did not seem to do that to the other guy which only infuriated more the boy.

Writing in his notebook his answers, Gary grit his teeth to dust as he eyed the paper with the questions, it had drawings- freaking cartoony drawings that were annoyingly adorable- a question paper for grades below Gary and he was given it to answer.   
As the pictures mocked him, Gary tried to tune out the teacher talking right next to his ear to answer the freakishly easy questions. 

The moment he heard a faint "I will be right back" he perked up, happy to finally get rid of the woman and complete the work as quickly as possible in peace, which wouldn't be too hard as the sheet of paper was too easy.

However, life isn't as easy and it doesn't treat you like a baby as everyone else dis to Gary.

Besides him, his classmate started leaning in. Gary had tried to ignore the other until he realized that he was copying his answer- a personal answer- word for word. 

"Stop it" he barked just as the teacher returned, giving the blond a disapproving look

As she sat down, she looked at the notebooks, poiting to Gary's soon after

"Write in the lines" she told him as slowly as she could so he'd understand 

"Ah- I ran out of space so I had to write it like this" Gary explained

"Tell you what-" the woman clapped her hands and started to dig in one of the drawers "here, so you can practice as homework" 

Gary's eye twitched as he looked down at the wrinkly hands that handed him out yet another sheet of paper made for babies- a "write on the line" practice sheet for kids who couldn't write neatly on paper

"I said-" 

"I'm finished!" The boy besides Gary announced brightly 

"Good! Let me see" the teacher placed the sheet of paper down on Gary's notebook and proceeded to take other's notebook, nudging her glasses lightly as she began to read.

Gary huffed, trying not to lash out like he did last time as not only had he not gained anything from it, the teachers only treated him as if he were some kind of baby even more. 

"Very good!" The lady complimented the boy's work "now let me see yours Gary" she took Gary's work as he grumpily put the offered sheet of paper in his bag.

The teacher's smile fell into a frown as she began to read, clicking her tongue in response when she placed the notebook down  
"Please come up with your own answers" she sighed "copying is never good, you learn nothing from it"

"I- what?!" Gary stood "that guy copied me! I literally wrote all this, myself!" He tried to defend himself

"Gary, enough excuses! Is it so hard to come up with your own answer?" The teacher crossed her arms while Gary only stammered in response, the snickers of the boy beside him made him want to strangle him to death as he knew that he couldn't make his point without any proof.

This sucked.

Things were always like this, no one ever believed Gary except for one person and now that person was gone....for good...for real...

Forever. 

Gary's eyes teared up in frustration, the teachers didn't understand that he was very capable of doing the same work as everyone else and they didn't understand that he wasn't some stupid baby! 

"Gary..." the teacher sighed as she stood "We're just trying to help you, why dont you talk? Tell us what's wrong?" She slowly reached for the boy

"I dont want to talk!" Gary snapped, slapping her hand away as he glared ahead with tears in his eyes "I just want it all to be fixed" 

With that, Gary ripped his notebook full of stupid questions apart, he swiped his hands over the stupid table and dragged every last stupid thing on it to the floor, he pushed past the stupid kid and slammed the stupid door and just began running. He ran past the stupid teachers and climbed over the stupid gates...and with that...

Gary never went back to that stupid school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am not stupid"


	6. The Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet despite his life changing drastically from the moment he stepped on this ship there were certain things that never changed.

Life changed when Gary came abroad the Galaxy One. He was alone and most likely losing his mind- sure...being alone was nothing new to the man but at least before he was alone in civilisation- now he....he is surrounded by tins and cans...just robots.  
A lot changed when Mooncake, Avocato and Quinn joined the picture, he wasnt exactly physically alone and despite the woman he was pinning over 5 years has 0 interest in him he still likes to see this as a big improvement. 

Gary had Mooncake to get face-hugs from, Avocato to play cards with and Quinn to flirt with only to get rejected- but it was a conversation with her which counted. 

Yet despite his life changing drastically from the moment he stepped on this ship there were certain things that never changed.  
Its not that Gary tried to hide certain things from anyone- its just how he was long before he set for on the ship.

The first to notice the weird behaviours was obviously HUE, the one who could monitor Gary's every movement as that was quite literally his job.

The human would walk past mirrors as if they had ghosts in them, avoiding eye contact with anything that showed himself his reflection. When showering, Gary would stare ahead and during his whole 5 year sentence, HUE has counted exactly 12 times Gary looked at his own body while showering and 7 times while dressing up after the shower. 

Gary didn't tell anyone, there was no need to tell anyone anyway- why would he tell anyone? He never told anyone before? There was never a need to- plus its not like anyone asked. 

Though, despite literally having the most smart and beautiful woman on board, the best friend he could ask for in the universe and the coolest little buddy ever...Gary still felt alone.  
It was the same feeling as being surrounded by strangers on Earth and still feeling alone- except it hurt more now that Gary actually knew these people. 

Part of Gary wanted to ask for help, he wanted to tell others how he truly felt, hoe he didn't think any physical contact was enough but at the same time was just too much- he wanted to tell the others how alone he felt when he stood in the same room as them and tell them how much he loved spending time with them

But why should he? 

It just didn't make sense to Gary, honestly. Why bother them with his confusing emotions?

From the moment HUE flipped Gary's bed again, Gary began his usual routine though this time there were people involved.  
He'd get up to have breakfast in his robes, talking to the others who ate quietly as he felt that he just had to do so otherwise it would be too quiet.  
He would finish up and head to the shower room to clean himself up, closing his eyes as the painfully cold water hit his back and he began to wash himself.

The routine continued as usual until KVN arrived to mess up Gary's hair that always fell into place when it naturally dried 

"KVN!!" Gary shrieked as he pushed the other off, taking the belt the robot stole in the process and putting it on along with his boots "freaking stupid idiot who's stupid" he muttered under his breath as he headed to the bathroom to check up on his hair.

Then....there he was.

Gary looked at the mirror for exactly 2.5 seconds before looking away.  
He took another glance to check his hair to find that, yes, it was horribly messy but then again....did he need to fix it? Or rather....did he have to look to fix it?

He began running his hands through his hair, hoping that it looked decent but the thought of Quinn seeing his messy hair didn't sit right with him- he needed to look good for her not get dumped all over again.

So with deep breath, Gary turned to the mirror and stared deeply into his reflections eyes.

Gosh...were his eyes always this sunken? 

He looked somewhere else to avoid looking at his dark circles 

Wow...his nose has a lot of blackheads if you look close eno- 

Hair. Gary was here to fix his hair.

So he picked up the brush finally and brushed his hair, focusing on the blond locks instead of the spot on his forehead just above his right eyebrow that was messy.

OK...he'll fix the eyebrow too.

Brushing the tips of his fingers over his eyebrow hair to make the hairs fall back into place- Gary felt this sick feeling in his stomach

He was disgusting.

Slowly, he took a few steps back and stared at himself.  
This suit....didn't suit him at all- red was definitely not his color and the neck of the suit made his double chin more visible.  
His jaw was too squared, why couldn't he have a normal sized jaw?   
Ew- is that a pubic hair on his face?

Gary quickly shaved it off

The more he stared at himself the more sick he felt, the more alone he felt, the more....hatred he felt.   
The man in the mirror...he hated him. 

Gary hated his dull looking eyes and how both eyebrows didn't have exactly the same amount of hair. He hated his wonky teeth that he brushed everyday he could only to find them slightly yellow. He hated his nose, how big the pores in it was as if begging for attention to be called disgusting. He hated his oily cheeks that made him look like a pig. He hated his hair that was blond like his mother's instead of brown like his dad's. He hated his thin crusty lips that he tried moisturising as much as possible.

There was no fixing this man.

He was thin and pale and overall just disgustingly stupid looking.

He hated this man.

He hated this very stupid man that got himself arrested over a girl who couldn't give two flying fucks about him. He hated this man who literally befriended the first living thing he saw simply because he was lonely. He hated the man who made an impossible promise to someone who had tried to kill him just so he could be liked by someone.

He hated this man who burned his own house down  
Who couldn't stop his mother from leaving  
Who didn't stop his father from dying

He hated this man who ruined his life 

"I hate you" 

He ruined his life

"I hate you"

And with that, Gary made sure to punch the mirror with his flesh hand...just so he could feel the satisfaction the pain brought from knowing the man in the mirror was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Self hatred~

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading it so far ^^


End file.
